You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
