Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
