i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
