I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
