Got a toothbrush?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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