You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
