is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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