its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
