come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we made out on top of his cat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
