mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
