I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
