can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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