I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Boobs are out for the taking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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