Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
