your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
return my video game
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
