tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
