thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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