I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm too high and old for this...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
