Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
