I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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