Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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