i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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