my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
