so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
