I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
