If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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