i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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