You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
