Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
