There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
