Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
