I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
