I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
