she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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