let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
