Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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