I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
