I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
