Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
