I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
