Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
