To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
