Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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