mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
