I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
