When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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