He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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