puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
