Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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