i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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